"I've got this killer up inside of me... I can't talk to my mother, (friends, women, coworkers, associates, affiliates, city council, the internets, the homeless or even your mother) so I talk to my diary."

-that Scarface song from Office Space


Aye-Oahhhh! This is Larry David’s impersinashun of Joe Piscopo’s Jersey Guy talkin heyah!

I gets a lot of people comin my way trying to tell me what ta think and howda feel about it. So, I jus gotta say, WHOAAAH, back up dat stage coach, man, Or yer Toyota Prius, you west coast, ubaah-liberal mudda fucka! I ain’t tryin to tell yah how ta live. I ain’t. At all. I’m just sayin that you may wanna think about what cha sayin before ya say it. Sayin ‘fuck this’ and ‘fuck that’ when ya clearly aint got no joke behind it means ya angry.

I aint angry. I get angry bout things, but I tryn funnel it into somethin positive instead of blamin othahs for my emoshus. One think i dislike is blamin the yute. Day ain’t do nutin wrong. Its your job as adults to educate tha ute and teach em emapaty, you know, carin about people as people instead a lumpin em in as groups ta be despised and generalised.

I listen to tha Todd Glass show podcast, hes onea my favorite comics an thats because hes crazy and silly while bein an introspective and extremeely empathetic dude. He don’t use the word retaahd, he don’t use the word fayg, cause he’s angainst hatin people based on stereotypes. Thas what I luv about em. Hes kind and aint afreaid to admit that when hes wrong, so I learned alot about myself though his jokes.

What Im sayin here is, OOAH! dont persecute people based on your own biases man. I did that shit alot when I used to go to Devils games and id be pissed off at thos stupid Rangers fans. Faack them, id say. Rangers fans can eat nuts. There team sucsk and i told them that. but after talkin to some dude who was there just to watch some fucken hockey, i realize that weere all just dudes who love hockey, man. i love tha devils, so faack, whats the point to hate on someone who loves those RAngers just as much.? It doesn’t make sense.

We all love hockey lets jus paly and watch. I can get mada t a rangers fan but i wonldn’t say some stupid shit to his face just to veel better about mysel f. I can go online rangers forums and talk shit, but I was jsut tryhing to sound cool and let ofo some steam. But all that stuff is different in person. I say. Let’s be friends cause I’m a fan and your a fan of hockey. we’ll have more fun takling about the game then we will by being mad at you.

So its the same thing. don’t be a douchebag on the internet becaus e you want to feel bettah about yeself. TAlk ta peopoel r3gardless of there views wiht kindness and if they open up to you, you madda friend. Do’nt be defensive when yah goin right outta the gate just tah perserve your ego or self asteem.

Dats when you know yah doing somethin wrong to yah self. …when you make other people feel bad for yah own emotional benifit. That is what makes you a daplorable human being. Which means that you probly require some introspection as to why it makes you feel so damned good to gloat over someone who you consider to be weakah than you.

And that is what art is for; comedy, drama, prose, poetry and all combinations of the former; to allow comparisons and contrasts of one’s own psyche against the abstract potential of what he or she is capable of: to absorb ideas which are both beautiful and vile, so that, in affront to our own arrogance, we can better understand ourselves and our personal objectives as individual human beings.

This is why art can not be censored.

So, Jersey Guy asks you: why exactly do you want to relegate him? Why exactly do you not want him to be educated? Why teach him to vilify the use of words which elevate his ability to make his abstract concepts clear and concise? Tell him or her,┬áin person, face to face, then, the reason that you prefer them to be ignorant. It’s not difficult to find them; anywhere you happen to live, they are in droves, most likely everywhere; in the city streets you ignore as you peruse social media on your fairly advanced technological device which you, in turn are oblivious to, regarding the brilliance of it’s function. If you wish to “educate” them with your “empathy,” find him, find her, and attempt to understand them as an individual.

…but if you are angry at me whilst reading this, then you are most likely angry at yourself; you worship empathy as an empty ideal which just so happens to be something far too boring and lacking in dramatics for you to put into practice. Regardless of what your conscience tells you, you are no martyr. Jersey Guy just texted me: you apparently told him that Devils fans are “hockey trash.”


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